growing pains

This week I have had to grow, and stretch myself in a few new ways. I will be honest and say that while I know that I'm not perfect, I think I'm a pretty good person and have developed into who I need to be. While, I still feel that way, the Lord has helped me in a few different situations this week that I am continually progressing and that I'm never 'perfect' the way I am.

For instance...I'm learning how to become patient with not only myself, but also others. At work yesterday I had an interesting gentleman (when I say interesting I mean an overweight hick from 'off the grid' Idaho, who has 3 brown filed-down teeth which you see when he snarls but not when he speaks, patched facial hair that is a good 4 inches long, and a choppy mullet that would make any 80's lover jealous...not to mention the extra 300 pounds of extra loving and the coke bottle glasses that made his eyes look extra beady and bloodshot.) scream at me for a bit, and then make his point by complaining that my candy jar wasn't filled with good enough candy. (please note the whole office gets their candy from the same closet which is filled with 5 different types of candy, and at the time, I had all 5 choices.)

Today I almost peed my pants because this beast of a woman looked like she was going to stab me with the pen in her hand when I told her some unfortunate news about her account. Now you may say, Mandy...what do you mean by beast? I mean exactly what you're thinking-she was a BEAST of a woman...and any grown man would be proud of her facial hair, especially her side burns....now...back to my growing pains. So-in both of these instances, I have had to not only compose myself, but also have the patience to help them and make them feel like they were the most important thing at that moment. When I wanted to go puke from whatever stench I was smelling at that moment, I had to stand there and smile, breathe through my mouth and try to focus on whatever sent was left from my minty lipgloss. It's hard, but I'm doing it.

ok, sidenote, there is an advertisement for a 1.6 horsepower blender for sale-freak gina, I believe that motor is more powerful than my neighbors car engine.

ok...back to my pains...so I've also realized that I love to eat. I love the taste, texture, feeling and everything about eating. I love cooking for people (even if it's just David and me) and having the satisfaction that I've created something that they could enjoy and be satisfied from. I love going out with friends and having a meal and laughing and sharing stories and memories. I love the feeling of comfort that warm chocolate chip cookies give you when you've had a bad day and your husband surprises you with a few because he knows that they will make you feel a little better. Anyways...you get my point, I love food.

Well, David and I have started a diet and it's very strict, and horrible, and keeps me from eating my feelings. We've declined outings and treats at work, social events have been put on hold and it's just rough. When we would go out for a treat, we now go for sugar free juice. I'm learning that my emotions don't have to control my eating habits. That I can have fun without food being the center of attention (while it still helps) and that we can literally cut our spending in half by just buying the foods that we're going to eat that week and not wasting groceries by going out to eat. It's hard, very hard. I've learned that I can have self control, and that every day when I see the scale's number go a little lower, that I am that much closer to my goal.

Overall, I've learned that I am continually put in situations where I can easily fall back into a natural way, to give into a desire, or comfort that I've grown to love. Over the past few weeks, I've learned that I am stronger and that I can change, that I can conquer habits and even fears that I've had for years. Oh the lessons we learn in life.